46 Things About Me
1. I have a lot of gray hair.
2. I have a lot of hair.
3. I was a Licensed Elevator Operator once.
4. I went out with a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader once.
5. I hate sports with a passion.
6. I used to be a Young Republican. Now I'm an Old Republican.
7. I met Chuck Berry in person once. I stuttered and stammered. He thought I was an idiot.
8. I can climb a ladder in roller skates.
9. I've never snorted cocaine.
10. My favorite drink is Stolichnaya vodka straight. I haven't had any in nearly 20 years.
11. My favorite food is a Cinnabon cinnamon roll. A whole tray of them was my wedding cake.
12. When I was a kid, I had a bad speech impediment. I cured it myself when I was 18. In two weeks.
13. I've had a nose job.
14. Little girls, old ladies, large African American women, and gay men think I'm attractive.
15. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 19. Damn near 20.
16. I needed therapy until I was 19. Damn near 20.
17. I was in therapy once. I quit going after my psychologist attacked one of her patients with a knife.
18. I've had Cat Scratch Fever; the real kind, not the Ted Nugent kind.
19. I hate cats.
20. I've never broken a bone. Except my nose. Hence the nose job.
21. I wrote my first novel when I was 7 years old.
22. I don't read fiction.
23. I had a green belt in karate. I quit karate after a 15-year-old white belt kicked my ass in a tournament. I was 21.
24. I have a concealed handgun license. It's easier than karate.
25. I've never seen a UFO or a ghost.
26. I'm 100% heterosexual; I don't even like men as friends. If I were a woman, I'd want to be a lesbian.
27. I've never contemplated suicide. I contemplate homicide all the time.
28. My dad taught Johnny and Edgar Winter in junior high school.
29. My most creative time is between midnight and 3 a.m.
30. I'm a chocolate addict. Didn't become one until a few years ago. I need it to stay up until midnight.
31. If I had to be a criminal, I would want to be a blackmailer.
32. I've always wanted to start my own cult.
33. My math skills are below average. Okay, I'm a math dumbass.
34. My favorite subject in high school was Physics. I used a calculator.
35. I finagled my way out of P.E. class in high school for two years and never had a medical excuse.
36. The worst excuse a woman ever gave for breaking up with me was that I didn't own a boat.
37. I still don't own a boat.
38. I can't swim.
39. I don't have a beard to shave.
40. I've been deer hunting three times.
41. I never shot a deer.
42. I was a fine art major my first two years of college. I wanted to be an illustrator.
43. I changed my major to education.
44. I taught English for about a semester. To 8th graders. I quit.
45. I hung around in punk rock clubs in college.
46. I love film noir.
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